I bought a bunch of things at the drug store that all happened to be eligible for purchase with my flexible benefits card. I was especially excited when it turned out that even my gum was covered since without realizing it, the gum I’d chosen was antibacterial.

I was at Chris O.’s place and there were a lot of other people wandering through the house. Most of them were extended family members of his. Every single light in the house was on and they were all uncomfortably bright.

Chris pulled me aside and said he needed to show me what he really did for a living. I jokingly asked if he was a prostitute. He said he wasn’t and then he pulled out a ziplock bag of bright orange objects that looked like rock candy. Joking again, I asked him if it was crack and he answered very seriously that it was actually a new form of super cocaine.

He took out one of the rocks and held it up to his nose and inhaled. When he did, bits of the rock turned to powder and were snorted like regular cocaine. Then he held it up for me to try. I was freaked out and excited by it. He warned me that it was going to be intense. I snorted some and it felt like my heart was going to explode. I couldn’t decide whether or not I liked the sensation, but we were both laughing and falling backward.

I was on a really stressful vacation with my dad, but the vacation house was actually his regular house. There were tons of people there, and the vacation ended when someone let my dog out and she flipped out and attacked an 8-year-old boy. He only had a scratch on his arm and he wasn’t crying, but the attack sounded really vicious so we decided to leave anyway in case someone had called animal control.

When we got to my place, which was my old loft apartment in Brooklyn, there was a party there too. Much of the party was taking place on the roof, and many of the attendees were overweight, stereotypical looking mobsters in tracksuits. There were other types of people there; some of them were actually friends of mine.

I walked over to a table on the roof and a lot of older men were sitting around it, including some of the overweight mobsters. At the head of the table was Amelia. She was being really obnoxious because she was drunk, and her behavior was pissing a lot of people off. They were extremely hateful and vocal about how angry they were, and then one of the mobsters pushed her chair over backwards.

When I walked around the table to see if she was ok, her body was twisted, her neck clearly broken, and her eyes and mouth were open in a way that it was obvious she was dead. I was silently freaking out while everyone else ran inside because no one wanted to be accused of being involved with her death.

When everyone was gone her eyes started blinking and she started gasping for air. I rushed over and asked what I should do, but instead of answering me she got up from her position in a really slow and disturbing way. She started doing an eerie dance, slowly turning in circles across the roof even though her body was still mangled and broken. As she danced she was saying how glad everyone must have been to see her dead; everyone except for me. She said she didn’t blame me for her death, which was a relief because I felt guilty for not stopping it from happening.

Suddenly it was night and I was standing at the bottom of the building away from everyone. I wanted to be alone, but then I saw two men from the party cutting a power line and putting the live wire in some liquid. I watched as an electric surge went up the building through a complicated system of wires, and when it reached the top the entire roof exploded into flames. The two men were trying to get rid of the evidence of the death that had taken place earlier but wanted the fire to look like an accident.

I ran to my apartment and grabbed my animals and my computer and put them in the car. I ran back into the building to grab more of my things, mostly photos and clothes. When I walked out into the hallway I saw that a bunch of Amelia’s belongings were hanging in the hallway, along with a note that she wanted me to have them. I was gathering them up and crying as the men from the party came and started to take down and destroy some of the things. I screamed at them to get the fuck away and they did. I was crying because I was sad that Amelia was dead, but also because my home was burning down and no one was helping me because they were all so self-absorbed with their anger.

I was almost to my car and I was dropping things and trying to pick them up again, when a nerdy-looking boy in his very early twenties ran to catch up with me. He had also grabbed some of Amelia’s things and was helping me carry them to the car.

I was so grateful that I cried harder and jokingly asked the guy if he wanted to get married. He smiled and didn’t say anything. He handed me a piece of scrap paper that had his marriage requirements on it. It said he wanted to have 2 children, live in a nice house, and make at least 60-79K a year. I told him I had the salary part covered and laughed a little bit. He hugged me and walked ahead of me. I suddenly wondered if he was deaf because I hadn’t heard him speak at all. Just then he turned to me to ask me if I was okay but when the words came out they were complete gibberish.

Megan and I were moving into my old house on Chatham Lane. A couple had been living there for the 10 years since Liz and I moved away. As we inspected the house, we noticed the couple had randomly left things around the house with notes attached. They were things they really thought we would use and enjoy, but most of the stuff was just junk, like a lawnmower motor or a box of photos of someone else’s family.

Later I was in a field in Virginia. I was on a road trip of some kind with an unidentified male companion. It was unclear whether or not our relationship was romantic. This field was a stop that I frequently made when driving up the east coast. As I stood there, sometimes there was an ocean nearby and sometimes there wasn’t. There was a storm coming, and although it didn’t look like it was going to be a bad one, it reminded me of a really bad one I’d previously been caught in in that same field.  I was describing the previous storm to the guy I was with, and desperately trying to convey how bad it was. He was nodding but I could tell he didn’t understand how terrible the storm had really been.

I walked over to a picnic area and there were some very cute gerbils running around the wooded area surrounding it. I was talking to the gerbils in a baby talk voice, telling them how cute they were. One of the gerbils picked up a little stick so I sat on the ground and jokingly threw a tiny pine cone at it as if we were playing baseball. To my surprise, the gerbil actually hit the pine cone and began running tiny bases. I tried to tag the gerbil out with the pine cone, but I missed and he made it all the way around the bases. I stroked its back and in my baby talk voice I said “Look who made a little homerun!”

I was driving down highway 401 S when I was sideswiped and run off the road by a giant, black, SUV. A bunch of teenage boys got out and were really pissed about the sideswiping, even though I was the one who had been victimized. They took turns going into my car and pulling things out of it and destroying them. They were cutting up my credit cards and crushing anything that was visibly left on the seats. I couldn’t find my phone to call the police, but I lied and said I had already in an attempt to make them stop. I finally stole a phone from inside their SUV and called 911, but there was an automated phone tree and I couldn’t hear which button I was supposed to press for the police.

I was really angry and talking a lot of shit. I was telling them that they sucked at life and to have fun living on welfare forever. They eventually stormed off, but they were all pulling their shirts over their faces as if this was their gang uniform.

Later I was with Ethan and some other unidentified friends. We were going to an M.I.A. show to some warehouse in a Brooklyn-like city, but we suddenly noticed all the boys had their shirts pulled up over their faces like the boys who attacked me. The girls were all wearing burquas. Ethan and I were both irritated because it was obvious they all thought they were making some kind of political statement, but we knew this was actually a trend started by my attackers.

When we got to the warehouse, it was empty. Someone told us that M.I.A. had just left and cancelled the show because she was also pissed about the burquas.

Ethan and I left along with the unidentified friends. We were outside and had to climb a giant hill to get home. It was night and we thought about resting. Then we saw lightning in the distance and decided to go before it started storming over us. When we got to the top of the hill we were suddenly inside of a grocery store.

A manager came out who was fat and had dark hair and a mustache. He was wearing khakis and a navy blue polo shirt.  He said he was new and his name was Steve, but his tone was really defensive like he was trying to start a fight and then he said, “Yeah, I’m fucking sex offender. You got a problem with that?” Steve then challenged everyone in the store to fight him. He was randomly picking up grocery store items and attacking people. I picked up a giant bottle of vinegar and a rolling pin. I took a huge mouthful of the vinegar and spit it in Steve’s eyes. He immediately started puking and as he threw up I hit him in the face with the rolling pin and he fell over. Ethan and I left and as we walked away, we made fun of Steve for being a dumbass.

Then we were in a limo. We were watching an indie film starring Julianne Moore as two high class call girls; one from an alternate universe. It was supposed to be a sequel to Donnie Darko.

I was hanging out with a group of people in a basement. Some of those people were supposed to be coworkers, but Bruce Willis and a rednecky version of Brad Pitt were also there. We were all watching a movie that was a sequel to “Twister”. While the movie played, Brad Pitt was moving his hand around the back of my underwear. I felt a little guilty because I knew he had a girlfriend, but it felt good so I let him do it anyway.

At some point I went outside and watched as an actual tornado formed. I was fascinated then really freaked out, and went back to the basement to warn everyone. We all took cover and as the tornado passed lots of things broke, but no one was hurt.

Afterward everyone gathered together in front of the television again and Bruce Willis restarted the movie.

My Aunt Annie was coming to help out our family with something. I kept making uncomfortable jokes about suicide and my Aunt Annie got really angry with me and told me how inappropriate she thought that was. I defended myself by saying that it should be understandable considering my upbringing.

Later I was returning home from a family reunion. I lived in a big mansion that was empty and haunted. I opened a window and cut open the screen, and then went to use the computer at a desk in the same room.

Ghosts of tribal men began coming into the room one at a time and releasing large, live but tattered and sickly looking blackbirds through the hole in the screen. They had been trapped in the belfry for years, but I was planning to burn the belfry down, and had actually cut the hole in preparation for that. I had to burn the belfry down because a nun that also lived in the mansion told me it was the only way to stop the haunting.

Some aliens had just been repelled from the neighborhood I was living in using a satellite that had a powerful beam that shot into space. There was crowd watching, and when they dispersed, I began walking to my house, which was my dad’s house.

On the way I noticed the house next door had a strange, gold-colored apparition hovering around it. My friend Christi was living in the house. Thinking that the apparition could possibly be caused by a fight between two powerful wizards and that Chrisi and her mother might be caught in the crossfire, I was very worried about her safety. I went in my house to get my mother. I wanted to show her the apparition, and I didn’t want to enter Christi’s house alone.

Once inside Christi’s house, which was a huge, multi-level home, the lights were flickering all over the house. My mom and I were calling for Christi and her mother and searching for them. Christi eventually emerged from the bathroom with wet hair, and didn’t seem to be in any danger at all. When she asked what we were doing there, we told her about the the apparition and pointed out the flickering lights. Christi dismissed our claims and said that the lights in that house flickered all the time and that’s just the way it was. We insisted on showing her the apparition, which she thought we were imagining, but when we brought her outside it wasn’t there.

Thinking that it might not be visible due to the angle we were viewing it from, we walked all over the place trying to get a view, but the apparition was gone. At one point Christi said she might have seen a little bit of something, but I said “No, if it was still there, you would definitely know. There would be no question about it!”

Suddenly I was in a car with an unknown female friend. We had just left the mall, and there were two teenage boys in a yellow truck behind us. The car was tailgating us to the point of sometimes bumping into us, and the boys were laughing and being assholes about it. One of the boys was Edward Furlong.

I was turned around in my seat and staring them down the whole time. I was very pissed about what they were doing, and I was going to flip them off but instead I did the gesture for fucking where you make a circle with one hand and poke the circle with the index finger of the other hand. Edward Furlong stopped making rude gestures and nodded at me. When my friend parked the car, Edward Furlong came over. I stood up and kissed him. It felt really good, and when he left we were both really horny.

I was on an island where it was always nighttime and always raining. There were a handful of other castaways there, but the only one I recognized was Tyrone, a roommate I had 12 years ago. He was trying to get the radio working so he could call a boat to pick us all up and take us to the mainland for supplies.

Then I was sitting inside a giant ship. I was leaning forward to try and see where we were through a tiny window. At first I thought I saw part of the Kremlin and I got excited because I thought we were in Moscow, but as we got closer I had a clearer view of the buildings and was disappointed to find it was just England.

Suddenly I was no longer on the boat. I was in a city that was like a futuristic mix of New York and New Orleans. It was loud and chaotic. There were people and confetti everywhere. I didn’t have any money for my supplies, and neither did anyone else from the island. We all had to split up and come up with our own way of earning money and obtaining the supplies we needed. I decided I’d do some hooking.

While I was in a club searching for clients, I ran into Aziz.  He was hanging out with some other Moroccan guys and they were all wearing matching t-shirts that were printed with words in giant black letters.  I was really happy to see him and we hugged each other. Then we were fucking in a hotel room. When we were finished, I told him about my hooking plan.

Suddenly Aziz was gone, and I was going down on a lesbian in the same hotel room. She was a paying customer. I was just noticing that she had razor burn from shaving her pubic hair when she started to pee. I got really mad and told her that wasn’t part of our agreement.

I was in a Russian women’s prison. The cells were bare and everything was made of smooth concrete, like the the floor of a garage. We were free to move about the prison as we pleased. It was not very crowded. The bathroom was down the hall and had several stalls, a lot like a school bathroom.

I was in a cell that was supposed to be the isolation cell. The cell had a door to the outside, which I opened so I could get a view of the grounds. It never even occured to me to try to escape through the door. It was dusk outside and the prison grounds were very well manicured.

I saw a man walking who worked for the prison as a landscaper or handyman. I waved him over. He was very tall and a muscular and was wearing an old t-shirt with the sleeves cut off, and I was very sexually attracted to him. I said something to him that struck him as funny, and he responded by saying “Oh, you Norwegians!” and I suddenly remembered that I had met him before and told him I was part Norwegian because I thought it would impress him.

I took his hand and invited him to sneak inside. I wanted to have sex with him and I knew he was attracted to me. When he was inside we ran through the hallway to my cell because I knew there would be a bed for us there and I thought we would be alone. On the way to my cell I could see other men that prisoners had snuck inside. When we got to my cell I was surprised and disappointed to find it was full of other prisoners who were there to watch television.

The handyman took a seat with the girls and I sat on the other side of he cell behind a wall so that if any of the wardens peaked in the window to my cell, they wouldn’t be able to see me. I waited and all of the girls left except for one. She was small and blonde and writhing around in the handyman’s lap and putting her bare feet on his chest. I could tell he was enjoying it and I got really pissed. I flipped them both off as I left the cell and said nothing.

I went to the bathroom down the hall and when I got there, some girls were looking in the mirror and fixing their hair. A girl there told me that someone ordered Gumby’s pizza in one of the other bathrooms. I decided I’d get some after I peed.