Murky Pond

I was in a building with lots of windows that looked out over a murky pond. I was talking to Genevieve about how I wanted a cushy, corporate creative director job again and to move back to Providence. I was saying how I wanted to do it before wintertime so I could walk to work in a big puffy coat, and I did a funny waddle to demonstrate what that would look like. Genevieve responded that I needed to do it before kindergarten season, because that’s when all the men move back to North Carolina.

Suddenly a huge ship floated to the surface of the murky pond. I yelled “Holy shit!” and pointed at it, and then Genevieve and I were outside on the bank of the pond. The ship came up and floated down the bank of the pond pushing some other people’s docked boats out of the way. The boats weren’t actually docked to anything though,  because there weren’t any piers. They were just sitting at the bank of the pond.

In the wake of the ship I saw an old-timey diving helmet floating around and I pointed it out to Genevieve, calling it “one of those creature from the black lagoon masks”.

There were a bunch of people swimming in the pond, and I thought it was disgusting. One of those people was Jason Lee. There were also some other people hanging out on the bank of the pond, and I could overhear someone accusing Jason Lee of shitting in the pond, and then someone else telling him how gross it was that he was swimming in a shit pool.

Jason Lee said, “Do you know what’s REALLY gross though?” and I said, “Hanging out on the bank of the pond?” Jason Lee said “EXACTLY” as he got out of the water and walked toward where I was standing. I announced to everyone that they were going to be sorry when they had diarrhea later.

Jason Lee scoffed and said he didn’t get diarrhea, but I told him he sure looked like a protozoan magnet to me.